Being an empath is not easy – you basically live your life experiencing your own feelings, as well as the feelings of most of the people around you.
On a day-to-day basis just the feelings alone can be enough to drown you, and any extra stress can quickly send you over the edge – yet, we seem to be good at creating extra stress unwittingly, especially in our relationships.
What are the common mistakes that empaths make that sabotage their relationships?
1. Thinking for your partner
This could also probably be labeled having the fight in your own head.
You know what I mean right? You’re upset with your partner and you start ‘venting’ or ‘practicing’ what it is you plan to say to him or her, and you land up having, and resolving, the fight inside your head, without any partner participation at all.
Yes, you do feel better, but your partner has missed out on the benefit of the process, and you substituted what you wanted to hear, your ideal responses, for what your partner would have actually said. Over time, this leads to a lot of disappointment, because you’re remembering promises and agreements that were never actually reached in the relationship, only in your head.
2. Speaking for your partner
In the same vein, as empaths we have a tendency to compensate and speak for the other person.
You know how that goes; it starts with a thought like, “Okay, so he battles to ask for help and he sounds down and like he needs love. Let me stop what I’m doing and go and give him love so that he feels better.” Yes you’re fulfilling your purpose and being a good person, but you’re also teaching the other party that they don’t have to communicate their needs, you’ll always be able to see inside their heads.
Over time you will also get resentful that you always have to stop everything to look after this person’s needs, fostering anger and irritation in that relationship, even though it is you that is the catalyst: you’ve created your own obligation to stop what you’re doing and meet this person’s immediate emotional needs.
3. Looking after your needs
At the same time that you’re talking and thinking for your partner, as an empath you tend to carry the load for meeting your own needs within the relationship.
So instead of going to your partner or friend for help, you keep on carrying them emotionally, and you carry yourself – not allowing the other party to look after you.
You don’t ask for advice or assistance or let people know when you’re down or low because of two reasons: first you have created a habit of only relying on yourself, and second you expect people to be able to see and interpret for themselves that you are low. It’s what you do after all.
4. Compromising your needs
Once the emotional load of the relationship, the other person and your own stuff becomes too much, you compromise on the easiest place to compromise – yourself.
In order to save time you only focus on the relationship and your partner or friend, neglecting your needs and ignoring your system. Over time you forget all these small compromises and you just feel the heaviness of the burden. This usually vents in an explosion of, “Nobody cares about me or my needs.”
The sad truth is that it’s us who always compromise our own needs.
5. Not expressing yourself
A long-term effect of compromising your needs is that you stop expressing your needs altogether.
It’s like manifestation, in order to get what you want from the Universe, you have tell the Universe what it is that you want and focus on it intently. So many empaths feel that their needs aren’t met in their relationships, and equally as many of us are guilty of not telling people what we want or what is going on with us.
What is going on with us is a big one here, because we don’t take the time to explain ourselves either: we’re too busy understanding the other person you see? For someone who is not an empath, the sudden mood swings and ups and downs, especially when they seem to be caused by nothing, can look really scary and confusing.
6. Breaking your boundaries
The last unhealthy behavior that empaths exhibit in relationships is around boundaries
. When we’re pressed to do something that conflicts us, our DIY programming kicks in and we have the fight in our own head – most often choosing to cross the boundary internally on our own. Do this enough times and you’ll feel like you’ve walked miles for the other party’s benefit, while they have absolutely no inkling of the level of sacrifice you’ve made for them.
Finally, boundary breaking leads to anger: anger at myself because I’ve crossed my own internal boundaries or anger at another that has crossed my boundaries. Each time you allow your boundaries to be crossed, another little bit of unexpressed anger builds up. Over time this accumulates exponentially and you land up fuming with the person and hating them for walking all over you.
via Inner Intuitions